Enneagram Type 6 in A Relationship with Type 9
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
This is one of the most stable and widely seen Enneagram combination. Although Sixes and Nines can be completely different, most of the time they expect similar things.
Sixes usually look for security and stability while Nines look for independence and steadiness. For both of them it all depends on their belief systems and the quality of their childhood experiences. They both want a partner that looks for the same lifestyle they do: someone to share a life built on solid and honest values, to abide by the rules and to be dutiful and respectful of authority.
They also bring complementary differences to the mix: Sixes have an active mind. They are used to questioning everything around them and look out for problems, exceptions and safety issues. Sixes can be more skeptical than their partners and find it more difficult to trust others. While Nines are usually trusting and easy to get along with. They are generally optimistic, steady and tend to see the big picture and to focus on what will work seamlessly.
They are a good mix because not only they get along well, they are also determined to stay together no matter what. They consider themselves simple, regular people and if changes come their way, it’s usually slow, steady and methodical. They are also generous to each other and don’t stick their nose on their partner’s affairs or make special demands. When they find a relationship like this, it usually feels like they have found what their heart had been looking for a long time. A dream come true.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
The main conflict between Sixes and Nines is that they never say what is actually on their minds or what they really want for themselves. As a consequence, they are usually stubborn, quiet and tend to make others guess what is going on. Enneagrams Sixes and Nines will try to hold back conflicts and confrontations until they’re pushed to the limit, although Sixes have a shorter fuse when it comes to their emotions. When this happens, the relationship can end in an impasse: they will draw away from each other, but not all the way.
Apart from that, they both like familiar things and struggle facing constant changes, which they truly dislike. They tend to feel that familiarity offers them stability and security, which is reinforced by the conviction that they must remain quiet and not make noise. Another potential problem for them has to do with their priorities. Both these Enneagram types like fulfilling their social roles but they tend to withdraw completely whenever they need to.
On one hand, Sixes prioritize doing whatever they have to do to keep their lives in place. If they don’t, they may have a guilt trip. On the other, Nines also fulfill their social roles, but they usually adjust to others even if their own stress and instability grows. Their different priorities can eventually lead to confrontations and an unavoidable break up.