Enneagram Type 5 in A Relationship with Type 9
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
Fives and Nines have a strong intellectual side and can form a powerful and stimulating alliance when they are on the same health level. They both feel attracted by the irrational and the absurd, although Fives usually dig deeper into the darkness of life than Nines. This pair has a special place for the concepts of idealism and realism, sunlight and darkness. Fives and Nines can usually give each other the personal space they need for leisure and pleasing activities.
None of them would stick around or get into their partner’s life, even when they are still interested and can still have a healthy emotional connection. This romantic couple is known for their quietness, non-intrusiveness and respect for each other’s boundaries and individuality.
Nines are more emotional than Fives. However, they do not always know how they feel or how to properly express their emotions. They appreciate Five’s curiosity and their ability to take them out of their inner mess. Nines also appreciate Five’s intellect, their ability to investigate, to ask questions, to remember things and their endless patience.
Fives, on the other hand, appreciate Nine’s kindness and warmth as they usually feel disconnected from their feelings and emotions. If these Enneagram types get into a relationship, Fives can benefit from Nine’s acceptance, comfort and tenderness. Fives will also feel deeply relaxed by Nine’s company, which is something they truly need.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
Although respecting each other’s independence is mostly positive, it can also be a source of misunderstanding: Tensions between Fives and Nines may appear as a result of the amount of space they give each other. As they are both aware of their own boundaries and limits, they usually expect an unusual degree of independence from their partners and they are always willing to give them space before they even ask. For this reason, it is difficult for Fives and Nines to take the initiative or to be determined: calling their partners on a regular basis, for example.
Besides, they can both be relatively detached, which can make it difficult for them to know how much they care for the other, or even if they are in love. On one hand, Nines tend to be more emotional and open than Fives. They may also like and even idealize Fives while they are in a relationship but they can quickly forget them if they leave. They may idealize their partner so much that Fives could never live up to Nine’s expectations. On the other hand, Fives may get frustrated and too pessimistic about the relationship itself.
They may start overanalyzing Nines and criticizing the relationship both as a way of protecting themselves from getting hurt and as a way of expressing anger over their disappointment. As a result, both types can disconnect from each other and start living in their own projections and imagination. The stubbornness and autonomy issues of Nines will mix with the detachment and indifference of Fives and the relationship will eventually dissolve.