Enneagram Type 5 in A Relationship with Type 8
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
These Enneagram types offer each other complementary talents. On one hand, Eights can teach Fives to identify with their bodies and instincts. Fives can also learn to be more practical and value their power and capacity. On the other hand, Fives can teach Eights some kind of analytic thinking and help them be more thoughtful and aware of the power of their actions.
Eights sometimes need to be more careful with their actions as sooner or later every action has an impact. Besides, these Enneagram types value independence and non-interference from others. They both know their boundaries and respect each other’s privacy and confidentiality. Although Fives and Eights need personal space, when they finally find each other, they can both show a surprising dependency and vulnerability. This usually happens since they can see the true self of the person standing in front of them, the one behind the defense mechanisms and filters. The person that may need all kinds of love and protection. In this way, they can relate to each other’s sense of dignity and hidden vulnerabilities.
All in all, as a romantic pair, each type may bring power, understanding and depth to the relationship. They can also provide action and thoughtfulness at the same time, creating as a result a new level of conscience between them and in their relationship with others. If they get to that level, they may also act as each other’s protectors and advisors. Eights love protecting Fives as them seem defenseless, while Fives love helping Eights identify the subtleties of their plans and actions.
These Enneagram types can therefore get both a powerful alliance of brains and intellect and a love partner from their relationship, which is an amazing combination.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
The main problem between these two types usually arises when they’re not healthy, as they will stay apart from each other and communication may no longer be as fluent.
Lower functioning Fives easily lose respect for anyone who acts irrationally, destructively, and out of control. The storminess, intimidation and threats of Eights terrifies Fives to the point where they must physically go away in order to feel safe. Both Fives and Eights tend to get on each other’s nerves as a way to protect themselves. They are fully aware that will affect their partner’s vulnerability.
Both types are also sensitive to rejection, so tend to feel rejected easily. If Eight leaves, it will trigger Five’s rejection feelings likely resulting into them collapsing into depression and cynicism. Just like if Five leaves, it will trigger a strong reaction in Eights who will likely strike back in any possible way.
Five-Eight couples can be extremely cynical, and the end of their connection only confirms their darkest side and malicious opinions. Another possible conflict between them can be their way of acting when facing a conflict as the more insecure they get, the more they react in completely opposite ways.
On one hand, Fives identify themselves with their minds and intellect. They are indifferent to virtually all of the physical and practical goals that earthy Eights have. On the other hand, leaving a mark on their environment is a primary goal for Eights and they take pride in their earthly conquests, whether socially, financially or sexually. As a result of their differences, when dealing with conflict Fives may shut down completely, become secretive and take some distance while Eights may become more confrontational, threatening, and angry.