Enneagram Type 5 in A Relationship with Type 5
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
As with every double-type relationship, a pair of two Enneagram Fives generally offer the same traits to each other, which is possibly the main source of attraction and disagreements between them. That being the case, the health level of those involved in the relationship is particularly important for a wholesome connection. To a type Five, another Five can be really close to their idea of perfection (at least in couple’s affairs).
Fives are knowledgeable, intellectual, self-sufficient, creative, calm – unless it’s about subjects of mutual interest-, objective – as opposed to being utterly emotional-, non-intrusive, and always ready for a spicy debate. Since they are private people, they don’t like people knowing too much about them or being controlled in any way.
Personal space, respect, politeness, healthy boundaries and little to no expectations are hallmarks of a double Five pair. That’s the reason why Fives usually give a great deal of personal space to each other. They really value carefulness and they would never put people on the spot for personal information or make personal demands on anyone.
A double-five pair should learn how to balance the independence and privacy they need, with the degree of intimacy, personal exchange and openness required to keep a meaningful relationship. In most cases, the couple’s disclosure can take some time. However, once Fives have found someone with whom they feel comfortable and safe, they can get quickly – but still secretly – attached.
Although meetings of the minds don’t have to be full of words, if a true connection happens between them, long silences and privacy will give place to openness and intense bursts of communication.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
The main problem for many Double Five pairs is the emotional distance and the struggle to express feelings. They are both private people and they may take the risk of being isolated from each other and their intimacy can get truly affected. Their love relationship can turn into a professional one in which they treat each other as partners connected by respect for the each other’s positive qualities, while all emotional connection gets lost – if it ever existed in the first place.
A Double Five pair can suffer from an over-intellectualization of the relationship, while both parties approach each other systematically rather than getting involved in a more emotional and subjective way. They also tend to over categorize their lives even while being together, drawing boundaries around their own words. Although under certain circumstances this can be good, it can also lead to one of them becoming secretive and even to a double life.
They may also withhold important information from each other out of fear of being overwhelmed by them and from a deep-seated opposition to merging their lives with somebody else’s. Besides, since intellectual prowess is highly prized by Fives, they may start to compete or show off their intelectual ability.
This can lead Double Five pairs into a pattern of intellectual dispute over ultimately trivial details. As a result, indifference may take over the relationship. They can drift apart, dive into work or even their intellectual hobbies while still living together. Eventually, their lack of hope or expectation will put an end to the relationship.