Enneagram Type 4 in A Relationship with Type 8

Enneagram Type 4 The Individualist

How Does Each Enneagram Type Enhance the Relationship?

Enneagram 4s and Enneagram 8s can make one of the most creative couples, although it can also be one of the most inherently volatile ones. Both these Enneagrams types bring devotion, intensity, energy, and deep feelings to every aspect of their relationship. They are also attracted to each other’s darkness, vulnerability and hidden qualities. They aren’t exactly what they seem to be on the surface. Due to their fervent nature, they may act impulsively and recklessly, taking extreme risks just for the sake of thrills or the feeling of being alive, which they both find exciting. 

However, there can be some trouble spots: Fours tend to depend on Eight’s ability to protect them and provide for them, whereas Eights tend to depend on Four’s sensitivity and mysterious life: Four’s emotional life and heart may be a hidden area that Eights cannot easily conquer. 

On the other hand, Fours see the strength, charisma, and solidity that Eights possess. Both feel they are equally intense and make each other feel more alive, which is something they both want. Since their relationship is on a high emotional pitch; intensity, vitality and passion are the emblems of this couple and also what they bring to every relationship they establish. 

Both Enneagram types can be truly dominant on their specific field: Fours are emotionally dominant while Eights are socially dominant. They are also highly intuitive: Fours are self-aware and acquainted with their own feelings and emotions while Eights have a sharp intuition and an extremely accurate view on other people’s potentials and possibilities.

Possible Conflicts and Differences of Opinion:

When it comes to conflicts and disagreements, freedom and independence are topics that must be discussed by this couple. Both these Enneagram types crave for independence and freedom from anyone that wants to control them, whether it’s in their public or private lives. If they feel that their partner is trying to control them in one way or the other, they might get annoyed and angry, which can easily trigger discussions, and even financial and sexual disputes, and uncontrolled feelings of hatred. 

Both types are emotionally deep and likely to go through periods of anger, depression, vengeance, or acting out somehow. When conflicts escalate, arguing can replace real communication and fighting become too frequent, with different forms of violence going both ways. This toxic circle of fighting and making up can also be part of their dynamic as both feel more excitement that way. 

This romantic pair also tend to punish each other, by withholding their attention and affection and by verbally putting the other down, even in public. No couple is more fervent than this mix, and there is no couple more likely to end up in verbal and physical abuse and other types of personal vengeance for increasing offenses. 

Something common between them is their tendency to draw their relatives and friends into their conflicts, trying to make others pick a side. Although they can consider themselves unable to stop this damage cycle, they would love to just calm down and treat each other with respect. All in all, the passionate attraction they have for each other can sometimes end in obsession and hurtful or impulsive actions.

Get to know your Enneagram Compatibility with Other Enneagram Types