Enneagram Type 3 in A Relationship with Type 9

Enneagram Type 3 The Achiever

How Does Each Enneagram Type Enhance The Relationship?​

This i a pretty common romantic pair. On one side, Nines can bring support and encouragement to the relationship. They can teach Threes to relax and enjoy small things. And on the other, Threes feel that Nine’s company helps them be their true selves, expand their potential and become the best version of themselves. 

Threes can help Nines improve their self-respect, to know their value and invest in themselves. Both of them try to avoid conflicts as much as possible and have a positive view on life: Nines are naturally optimistic and look for the bright side in every situation, while Threes focus on being positive and hopeful. Both Enneagram types are sociable, idealistic, and empathetic. They tend to be hard workers since monetary success will enable them to take care of others and make them feel pleased, safe and thriving. Besides, they both aim to live a pleasant, aesthetical and enjoyable life.

Threes also bring energy, flexibility, ambition, efficiency and the ability to set and achieve long term goals to the mix. All these aspects can bring positive changes and excitement to the relationship while Nines bring safety and steadiness. 

In a romantic relationship, Nines can teach Threes to love and value themselves while Threes feel they’re not being judged or evaluated all the time. Threes feel that they can really be themselves since Nines accept them just the way they are. All in all, in many Three-and-Nine couples, the need for comfort, excitement and security may be the main source of attachment between them.

Possible Conflicts and Differences of Opinion:

This couple sometimes has a hard time facing problems as they are both attached to the good side of the relationship. As both parties want to keep things positive, their attachment to comfort and stability can make it difficult to reconsider the status quo of their relationship and their routine.

None of them likes conflicts: Nines try to avoid talking about anything that bothers them in order to “protect” the relationship while Threes try to avoid expressing their complaints in order to stay away from rejection and the exposure of their own fragility. 

On one hand, Nines consider it better to keep their mouths closed and to let things follow their own path (when possible). While Threes might be interested in showing a “perfect marriage” to others and it might be difficult to talk about their frustrations. Despite this, the relationship can continue for a while as if nothing was wrong. But, after some time, Threes might feel invisible and unappreciated by their partners since Nines can be excellent providers in their relationships but emotionally absent during stressful situations. 

Those feelings of abandonment and rejection can often trigger depression and loneliness on Threes, although they don’t often realize it at first. Then, Threes can feel that their partner is not really there for them and is not involved in the relationship while Nines can feel that Threes are too pushing and demanding. 

Most of the times, the collapse of the relationship comes after a crisis, an affair or any major life challenge. These types may go through a toxic circle of breaking up and getting back together for a long time. Whether they speak about or not, their true feelings and frustrations will continue until the relationship is completely broken.

Get to know your Enneagram Compatibility with Other Enneagram Types