Enneagram Type 3 in A Relationship With Type 5
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
Although this combination is not expected, it is a common one. On one hand, Fives bring emotional depth, understanding and new areas of expertise and perseverance to the relationship, while adding some creativity and a sharp eye for details too. On the other hand, Threes bring confidence, social skills, and awareness of the importance of assertive communication.
Threes have the ability to communicate well and to sell ideas and projects with charm and positivity. They also bring a strong sense of practicality to the relationship. They can often see what the relationship needs and direct Fives skills towards that goal. Both of them are truly focused on their long-term goals and concerns. Besides, they are both concerned with competence and effectiveness, especially when it comes to their careers and that’s where mutual support pays off. They tend to have deep feelings but they avoid them for the sake of professionalism and success at work. They generally understand each other’s needs to balance closeness with their own need for personal space: they try to avoid overwhelming their partners.
That makes them a “brilliant” couple: their relationship can be strong, successful, deeply competent, and respected. If they are attractive enough, Threes can be Five’s trophy (who are usually less concerned with physical appearance.) Fives, on the other hand, can also be a Three’s trophy by being a constant source of knowledge and by making them feel proud of their expertise whenever they can. Their often-unspoken feelings for each other may deepen on the ong run, allowing them to discover not just passion but also affection and pride in each other.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
Both these types focus on work and success, which can lead them into conflict and to compete with each other. Much of their self-esteem comes from their competence, their jobs and how others see them. There might be some comparing between them about their goals and achievements, and also some complaining about their responsibility for some ideas or breakthroughs, and other forms of competitiveness mostly coming from Fives. Conflicts between them can erupt over the use of time, resources and priorities. Resolute Threes may get impatient with Five’s lack of action. While Fives may begin to lose respect for Threes who are generally ready to cut corners in order to accomplish goals or to stay professionally ahead.
Another hot issue might be their inability to speak directly about their true feelings until it is too late. As a result, they can get sarcastic, hostile, and distant from each other. On one hand, Fives can get too argumentative and blunt, while Threes retaliate with sarcastic comments while pretending not to be hostile or angry. Both Enneagram types might get arrogant and impatient with each other. Threes can seem shallow and dishonest while Fives can seem weird and repulsive to Threes.
Turning this painful situation around will just depend on how much they need each other, as well as the depth of their shared values and spiritual beliefs. If these are not enough, it will be hard to save the relationship. Once their connection is broken, both types tend to become suspicious and cynical.