Enneagram type 2 in A relationship with type 5
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
Enneagram Twos (Helpers) and Enneagram Fives (Investigators) are complete opposites. Their points of view stand in opposing poles especially when it comes to what they care the most about and the relationship itself. All of these differences could be the reason behind the mysterious attraction between them, which means that despite the odds they’re a quite common match.
On one hand, Twos can see Fives as a challenge: they are generally reserved, preoccupied, aloof, and difficult to allure as they tend to be very private. As Fives don’t show themselves to the outside, it’s difficult to read them and learn what they like, which makes Twos keep on trying harder. Twos are always willing to take the initiative and to pursue mysterious Fives. This makes them the first one in the relationship to call or to ask for a date, no matter their gender. If they establish a healthy relationship, Twos can offer warmth, thoughtfulness, ease and a willingness to improve Five’s lifestyle and even eating habits. All of these are true signs of affection and interest. Although Fives like that people care about them, they might not react to this affection the way Twos would like them to.
On the other hand, Fives are very loyal people: they think relationships can be complicated and tricky. So, whenever they are in an easy-going relationship, they put a lot of energy into it. Fives bring stability, good judgment and objectivity, especially during crises. They can also be good listeners and good advisors, which balances out emotionally volatile Twos. They also provide undivided attention to their partners. Fives are often calmer than Twos, and this may give the relationship a feeling of steadiness and hope.
In other words, Fives help Twos find emotional stability, while Twos’ emotional side can warm up even the coldest of the Fives. Twos enjoy seeing that their attention and affection can have a positive, visible effect on Fives.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
What are some of the issues this couple could face? Many of the trouble spots have to do with boundaries and how respectful they are of each other’s personal space.
On one hand, Twos feel frustrated by the lack of immediacy in Five’s response. Fives can be a little quiet and live in their own world which may hurt Two’s feelings as they feel rejected. This rejection could trigger a deep anxiety and fear in Twos, as they might feel unwanted and unloved. If they don’t get what they want, they can double the effort to get some kind of response from their partner and to reassure themselves that their partner is still connected to them. Twos may get more talkative, curious, questioning and also more demanding. But the more intrusive Twos get, the more Fives withdraw and detach emotionally from what feels like a threat to their autonomy and competence.
As these intrusive attitudes become more and more frequent, Fives can feel unsafe and scared. They may even think that Twos are completely irrational and out of control. This circle may end with Fives questioning themselves about the viability of their relationship and the possibility of finding a new partner that works better for them. Fives can quickly lose interest and the further Fives get from them, the more obsessed Two’s become. This is a recipe for disaster, or at least loneliness, for both of them.