You Are Most Like, Type 9:
The utopian who wants to keep heaven on Earth. Optimistic, a healer and a serene spirit who wants to make peace a state of mind. You usually avoid conflicts in order to keep a balanced and calm atmosphere. By increasing your mediation skills you soften problems although it could be better to face them
To be at peace
Enneagram 9: Overview
Like a spring breeze, you wash the air away with peace and serenity. You are an honest and peaceful person who wants to live free in a harmonious environment. Naturally good, you are a purely nice company, you know how to connect with people. Bringing people together and sharing experiences is something you’re good at. You avoid everything that brings you trouble which sometimes turns into a passive attitude that can deeply hurt you. When you understand that boundaries, communication and self-expression do not necessarily lead to conflict since they are just a display of self-love, you never lose yourself to conflict.
Peace of mind. Everyone wants that, but you’re its first guardian. Nobody works harder than you to keep peace and serenity. You can’t stand tension and conflict. You have a bad time in that atmosphere. You feel nervous and distressed. It’s hard to live in this world, it’s a wild one. So you realize that you feel safer surrounded by nice people. If they are ok, and they are good, so are you.
What happens if everything turns bad and you feel threatened? Would you be able to respond the way it takes? You are scared of facing that alone, stalked by danger. Madness and the world’s darkness freak you out, so you run to your safe space where everything is solved by singing hakuna matata.
How do you think?
If everyone around is good, if there is no tension so there is no danger. You plow the ground to sow peace and it’s worth it. Everyone admires your temperance, you got that “je ne sais quoi” self-controlled people often have. You are naturally connected with life, in your best times you’re self-possessed and that’s something that brings calm to people around you. As a result, you create a peaceful environment, and everything flows like a river. With time, you learn to choose positive paths for yourself and to preserve your light. But in times of sorrow, you could become very dependent and complacent to avoid confrontation. Tough times can make you feel disoriented and extremely anxious since you dislike bad feelings and experiences. Although you know those times will pass by, you want them to finish now! That could leave you in a passive attitude.
You want to be a safe place for others
You have a difficult time getting started
You really don’t like conflict
How do you love?
Hopeless romantic, you tend to merge with your lover. It’s easy to blend your life with your significant other’s and feel complete, like they are your half-watermelon (an orange is too bitter for your sweetness). This kung-fusion can drive you to constant disappointment and depression because it’s just an idealization. You dissociate easily from yourself, losing your identity and feeling ashamed, insecure and in a sadness loop. As you see, love is too much turbulence for your balloon ride.
Enneagram 9s are called utopians because of their stubborness to maintain peace and harmony. Love is always an intense bond that could destabilize you since you put too much effort to preserve serenity in the relationship. You usually avoid conflicts by sweeping them under the rug and you give in, to comfort the other’s needs. Be clear with your boundaries, this will help you avoid falling into abusive relationships and de-dramatizing conflict. It’s ok not to agree with others. Conflicts when well managed can be another way to deepen the bond.
Enneagram 9 Wing 1:
A nice person, easy to agree with but also critical and sarcastic. Ideal-based, you are very wise and fair when it comes to judging situations. With your agile mind and temperance you know how to take different factors into account to draw a conclusion you consider the more human. Kind, reassuring and sunny, that’s you!
Enneagram 9 Wing 8:
The Comfort Seeker
You are easy going, friendly, unselfconscious and sometimes quite passive, but with the 8 wing you might have an aggressive, expansive and outgoing attitude. Baffling and attractive, you are a one-of-a-kind blend since it’s components are opposites.
The Average type Nine
Life is badly designed. Conflicts are really unnecessary. So, why pay attention to them? The more you face them, the more your inner peace goes away. You look like those cartoons that try to hold things up to keep them from falling by using their whole: body, nose, ears, mouth, hands and feet to hang glasses, forks, plates, spoons. But it just takes a single blow to make everything fall apart! Living this way, avoiding all your problems can be exhausting and it takes a lot of self-repression. But it’s ok, you feel covered, as long as things keep rolling calmly.
Little by little, you put yourself last. Then you claim recognition, but there is no record of your true feelings or needs so it’s hard to explain it to others.
The Healthy type 9
You are inspiring and have a rare beauty. Your integrity, which puts all inside you together makes you feel great, in peace and boosts up your creativity. You admire yourself and you become more independent. You no longer get lost in other people. You express your feelings with harmony and security, because you know that expressing your will is not necessarily confrontation. Freedom and breathable air runs through your veins, you can now expel natural peace from your spirit. Finally, you feel at peace, and you stop feeling abandoned. You have the most important and pleasing company: yourself. Troubles and tension can happen, but you’ve learned to face them in your own way, so they are no longer a problem!
The Unhealthy nine
The storm inside the calmness. Just bad weather and loneliness. How to get out of yourself? In an unhealthy state you are full of uncontrolled feelings. You feel anger, frustration, self-hatred, and you feel lost. All your ignored creatures inside start an inner revolution. Calm is completely broken and you feel horrible, but why? Why is this happening to you if you do just the opposite? Well, conflict is part of life. The correct management of it could lead to growth. But ignoring it just deepens the wounds. It’s a time bomb that’s about to explode. As you don’t have peace, you aren’t able to give it back.
Tips to Help You Grow:
Don’t hide yourself from problems, 9! They are better than Sherlock Holmes and will find you. The best way to protect yourself and keep inner peace is to face whatever comes your way with your natural temperance. You don’t have to abandon yourself and get washed away by a river. Stand out with calm and steadiness, with that sense of humor and humanity you have, and with your sensitivity. All those things that characterize you can help you create your way of approaching conflicts.
Say “No” when you want to. The peace you look after must be based on self-respect, if not it’s just an illusion that sooner rather than later will push you far away from yourself. Learn how to communicate your feelings, decisions and needs with kindness, remember the reasons why you choose each thing and try to build a new peace order taking yourself into consideration. That seems more sustainable and long-lasting, don’t you think?
Your Main Challenges:
How to address them?
No, man! Imagine you are Jim Carrey and just for a day you can only say no instead of yes to everything against your will. Be fair with you.
When things go wrong, stay. Even if you can only watch or say a few words, stay and be patient. Open your heart and mind. Everything is temporary.
Stand up for yourself. Set your boundaries and vindicate the concept of conflict in a friendly way so you feel more comfortable with it.
How To Be The Best Version Of The yourself?
How can I set boundaries without hurting someone else’s feelings?
Your natural kindness makes you always consider others feelings before yours. This is noble and a virtue of yours, but when you only make decisions based solely on that, you can hurt your own feelings. Each person is responsible for themselves and their reactions. Relationships are just humans merging their worlds with another person’s. They share themselves and get involved, but if you only think about pleasing others, you will live their life and not yours.
The best way to express yourself is to say directly what you desire, what you are able to do about it, what hurts you and how you feel. Focusing on yourself. You can’t manage other people’s reactions regarding your feelings. I’m sure that your subtle way of talking to others won’t hurt anyone since you are empathetic. So, just make room for these situations and you’ll get more tools to manage problems and communicate.
What can I do to prevent conflicts from going out of control?
Sleep. Always sleep. And then, sit down and think about what’s the best you can do. Human problems are not math problems. There isn’t one single method to solve them. It would be good if they were that easy, but humans are complex, beautifully chaotic beings. The best way to approach these feelings is to observe and finally decide how to deal with them. There is no way but your way, the way that it’s more effective and healthiest.
I hate feeling troubled minded, how can I preserve my balance?
You hate that state of mind, but if you keep repressing yourself you won’t be able to change into a different state. Peace of mind comes from being true to yourself. Make sure you are not idealizing the relationship instead of truly living it. Don’t just glue your life together, fix it for good.
Invest in your needs, develop your skills, improve your abilities, connect with yourself. And when anger or frustration knocks at your door, invite it in. Share a cup of tea and a good chat.
Use your patience in your favor, to heal yourself and understand the fine line between peace and passiveness, between taking care and leaving yourself aside. Draw those limits with love, tenderness and clarity. Finally, express yourself without apologizing.
Why do I feel I’m always doing things wrong?
Avoiding conflicts it’s a matter of luck, one false step and it feels like you’re sliding right into it. Nobody can predict problems every time, sometimes they just happen and are a good way to improve our skills and evolve. Try not to fear your problems, so you can go through them with clarity. Knowledge and resources come from the experiences, so trust that every problem is temporary. Try to understand them more objectively to avoid feeling overwhelmed. You know what they say: “if your problem has a solution, why worry? If your problem has no solution, why worry?”