You Are Most Like: Type 2, The Helper
The one who loves to help and take care of other people. You, the one who puts other people at the top of the list and delivers unconditionally.
To be loved and needed
Enneagram 2: Overview
All you need is love is your mantra. But sometimes you see love as an investment more than an energy that circulates side to side. You are the lover, kindest, the servicial one. Let’s see how this love engine works.
Love is the most important thing to you, or better said “being loved”. As Bob Marley sings: Could you be loved and be loved? you are always deeply expecting if the other loves you as much as you would like, and even more. Sometimes there is a subtle fear, will they stay if you are not making an effort to feel loved too? You feel called to help, to be generous, to hold up other people. That makes you feel good with yourself and worthy of love. You see the needs of people around you and feel the duty of fulfilling them.
How do you think?
You think you’re ok if you are being loved by the rest of the people. Of course, we all want and need love and be loved, but we can’t expect that only other people and their reactions, their decisions define our value; you think that the more you sacrifice for other people the more worthy of their love you are. Love is sacrifice, abnegation. For you, thinking and taking care of your needs is unfair, selfish and you can’t accept that. Being selfish is the worst thing to do, nobody loves who is like that. Everything in your life is measured by a bar that defines two poles: being good and helpful (+) or being selfish and thinking only about yourself (-). You feel that to be loved is required to renounce yourself but at the bottom is not a disinterested resignation but the price is in the whole action itself.
You’re a safe space for vulnerability
You struggle with saying “no”
You always want to help and never get tired
How do you love?
Have you ever heard that song of The Cardigans: love me, love me, say that you love me ?. Well, I’ll take the risk to say that song was written by a Two, just for this part: Just say that you need me, I can’t care ’bout anything but you. In the love field, you are passionate and give everything to your beloved. You like the long and deep conversations that open the way to what is intimate and treasured by the other, that’s the most certain way to connect and win the trust and the love of the other person. That’s the best way to ensure there is a solid relationship. So, you usually seduce by paying special attention to the other.
If you feel you are losing your beloved person you can turn really possessive and intense by doing whatever to hold him/her back. To feel the right to ask something back, you do more valuable things, finally it seems the other person it’s in debt with you. These attitudes can be born from an unconscious plane which supports old beliefs that sustain dependent relationships.
Enneagram 2 Wing 1:
This eclipse derives in an interesting more balanced subtype. In this case you are interpersonal and still very selfless motivated but without losing sight of your duties. The Onewing gives a little of objectivity and brings back to the Earth from the sky of helpfulness the Twos live in. A really good equilibrium surges from this reunion.
Enneagram 2 Wing 3:
This wing brings you winds of charming. Makes you outgoing, social and flexible which is very attractive to people. You are less worried about please (although it’s your main engine) because that kind of thoughts could make you less cool than you are when in a good mood. You are sweating self joy, and no one can resist that smell. Ok that’s not the best picture but works.
The Average Two
In the average status, you are concerned about your relationships. You spend so much time thinking about what to do to get closer to the people you love, sometimes you plan big gestures to show your affection.That’s because you love to show love but also because you want to make sure that you’re doing enough to be loved back. This could steal your spontaneity and take you to suppress your real reactions in order to always please the other people. You worry about doing something wrong that gives other people reasons to not love you more. Anyway, sometimes people feel really comfortable around you, you are generous, empathetic and a really good listener.
The Healthy You
Now, let’s talk about the prettier part. We all want to see us in our best. Accepting our backlights could be hard but nothing is more necessary than that. On a healthy basis, you are deeply dedicated to people, unselfish and compassionate. People love to be around you because you highlight the best of them. It’s a religious experience as Enrique Iglesias said. You truly love, you irradiate love and forgiveness. Nothing is more graceful than seeing you just be you because it’s uncommon to feel that kind of warm. You are an unconditional love source since you are not at war with yourself anymore. You’re unconditional to you, there is no broken mirror now, no more sharp tips in your reflection. There are no threats. Isn’t it interesting that your unhealthy version just shows you that the more you resist to love you the less you are able to feel and receive love? You have the key, you can use it to close the door or to open it.
The Unhealthy You
On an unhealthy level, you start to manipulate people to love you or to feel in debt with you. If nothing you naturally do works to attract the ones you love, you start to act possessively without assuming that’s wrong because in some way you think that’s justified (“toxic” from Britney Spears is your soundtrack). Recognition and being loved is so important to you that the fear turns you into an aggressive and selfish lover. Begging for love it’s such a painful way of life that you get hungry. Why do you need to ask for something you deserve? Why does nobody see everything you do for them? Maybe it’s time that you give yourself what you expect and idealize from other people because if not it’s like getting desperate for not seeing nothing while keeping your eyes closed. Don’t bite your shadow, give her love. Anyway, in an unhealthy type you can pose like Rose posed for Jack in the Titanic but for a baroque painting as a martyr.
Tips to Help You Grow:
Well, I love this part. Because you always discover that pain and unhealthiness just are truly indicators of a better path. So my advice is few but hard. I know you can deal with it.
When you notice you are worried about not doing enough for other people, and that makes you feel awful, like a stone in the chest… do the opposite! Do nothing. Sit down and breathe, think. Do people need you to struggle for them to be happy? Are there other ways to show love or help other people that make you feel less worried? You can see it like, love and generosity could be your best allies, they could show you how to give people a higher self, they deserve it yes. You deserve it more.
You have already found the message: love is a fundamental axis of our life. But the exercise of love is even way more important. The manner is the hardest and wonderful art that ever existed. There is a phrase that says something like When you move away from a flower, do so with the same delicacy with which you approached to smell it.
Try to think about other people’s ways of love. Love is a construction between parts involved. Don’t try to impose your way, let people have the chance to show how they love.
Try to see and number if it’s worthy for you, which are the things you love, which you don’t. Do you inspire yourself with the same love and service as the other people? How could you honor yourself?
Your Main Challenges:
How to address them?
Let relationships breathe and trust that love does not need to justify itself. Remember that freedom takes care of real love.
Talk. Let other people take care of you. Giving is as important as receiving. Learn to ask for help and compassion.
Be unconditional to you, give yourself the attention you need. Remember, we can’t share what we don’t have.
How To Be The Best Version Of The yourself?
How Can I Love From My Soul Rather Than From My Ego?
In some way, every type achieves this. You are not broken, failed or complicated. Every human being is on the path of learning how to love from the soul instead of the ego and that’s why enneagram and other tools are useful. First of all, it’s necessary to identify with surgical precision, where your pain is. Maybe, when you find it you’ll feel ashamed because we don’t want to accept our illness, our needs. It took so much time to grow and learn and we are tired* so finding out we still have a backlog could be hard. But, let’s update ourselves. It sounds more easy than it really is but be first your own mother and father, race yourself again with the love you needed. Everyone did what it was in their scope. Now it’s your responsibility to heal yourself. Love has nothing to do with control (repeat it: love has nothing to do with control). Control is from the ego. Love is movement. Forgive yourself and embody your own mission. Be servicial, unconditional, kind, and affectionate with you. Intimate yourself.
*We are tired because we are always fighting with our natural self.
I Feel Live In A Tragedy. How Will I Be Loved If I Don’t Do Anything To Deserve It?
Love is not the return of an investment. The one who loves you will still do it in the darkest hours. There is nothing you can do but be yourself to get genuine love. Some people say that love is more like a leap of faith, you will never know what’s ahead or what’s really happening inside other people ( if we don’t even see clearly inside ourselves) even so the only way to keep walking through the blindness of future is with love.
Why Don’t People Love Me As I Want To?
Spoiler: No matter what you do, you don’t love them as they want them either. And even so, you know you love them. So….different languages, same feeling.
Is It Possible To Reach An Unconditional Love State?
Of course it is. Tell me how it is when you reach it. No joking, I hope I was. I still haven’t achieved that state yet. I am in the same path of you, healing, everyday I keep drawing thorns from the depth of my heart as the song says. However, I took a look sometimes, I know that exists. I can affirm it with my own existence but it’s like a math problem: sometimes you get to the result and don’t know how! Let’s discover the procedure, let’s explore ourselves. Sometimes an unconditional love state is like a sparkle, take care of the ember as your life depends on it (and it does) lightly blow the fire, be picky of what you are feeding with. You are your fire guardian.