You Are Most Like type 2:
The Helper
The one who loves to help and take care of other people, Enneagram type 2 knows that the best way to feel good is to give yourself unconditionally.
CORE DESIRE:
To be loved and needed
CORE FEAR:
Being unwanted
Enneagram 2: Overview
“All you need is love,” is Enneagram type 2’s mantra. Type 2s are the lovers—the kindest and obliging ones among us. Now, let’s see how this love engine works.
What Motivates you?
For the Helper there’s nothing more important than love, or even better said, “being loved.” As Bob Marley sings, “Could you be loved and be loved?” You are always wondering if your significant other loves you as much as you hope they do, or even more than what you are hoping. Sometimes enneagram 2s feel a subtle fear: will people stay around if I am not making the effort to feel loved too? You feel like people expect you to help, to be generous, to support them. This makes you feel good about yourself and worthy of love. You see the needs of people around you and feel it’s your duty to fulfill them.
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How do you think?
Enneagram type two believes everything is ok when you are being loved. Of course, we all want and need love and to feel loved, but we can’t let other people define our value; you think that the more you sacrifice yourself for others, the more you are worthy of love. Love is sacrifice, abnegation. As an Enneagram 2, you feel that thinking about and taking care of your own needs is unfair, selfish, and unacceptable. Being selfish is the worst thing you can think of, and you believe no one can love someone like that. Everything in your life is divided into two opposing sides: being good and helpful (+) or being selfish and only thinking about yourself (-). As a Helper you feel that being loved requires renouncing oneself, but deep inside you know it’s not a selfless resignation; there’s an implied price within the action itself.
90%
very high
EMPATHETIC
You’re a safe space for vulnerability
30%
very high
SELF-CONFIDENT
You struggle with saying “no”
65%
very high
NEEDS APPROVAL
You always need validation or appreciation
How do you love?
Have you ever heard that song by The Cardigans, “Love Me, Love Me, Say That You Love Me”? Well, I’ll take the risk in saying that this song was written by a Two Type, these lyrics demonstrating this perfectly: “Just say that you need me, I can’t care ’bout anything but you.” In the love field, type 2s are passionate and give everything to beloved ones. You enjoy long and deep conversations that open the way to what is intimate and most treasured by the other; you believe that this is the most certain way to connect and win your trust and love, and is the best way to ensure there is a solid relationship between the Helper and your significant other. So, Enneagram type 2s usually seduce people by paying special attention to them.
If you feel you are losing your beloved person, you can become really possessive and intense by doing whatever you can to keep your beloved close. To feel the right to ask something back, you perform actions you consider meaningful to your beloved with the hope that the other may feel indebted to you. These attitudes can be born from an unconscious state of mind which supports old beliefs that sustain dependent relationships.
Enneagram Wings
Enneagram 2 Wing 1:
The Servant
This subtype is an interesting balance between the giving nature of TWOs with the objectivity and interpersonal skills of ONEs. This blend makes you very generous without forgetting about yourself, and helpful without losing sight of your own needs. That moderate manner is typical of this subtype but you can also be very self-critical when not balanced.
Enneagram 2 Wing 3:
The Hostess
This subtype has a joyful sparkle no one can resist. You are very sociable, flexible, charming, and outgoing. People of this subtype pay attention to other people’s needs, but you aren’t too concerned about pleasing them. Everything flows naturally, and people feel comfortable around you. When unhealthy, you can be very hard on yourself and repress your emotions.
The Average Two
In the average status, Enneagram 2s are concerned about relationships. You spend much time thinking about what to do to get closer to the people you love, and sometimes you plan big gestures to show your affection.That’s because you love to show love, but also because you want to make sure that you’re doing enough to be loved back. As a Type 2 this could affect your spontaneity and lead you to suppress your real reactions in order to always please others. You worry about doing something wrong and giving other people reasons to not love them anymore. Most of the time people feel really comfortable around an Enneagram type 2. You are generous, empathetic, and a really good listener.
The Healthy Two
Now, let’s talk about the prettier part. We all want to see our best version. Accepting our backlights can be hard, but it’s extremely necessary. On a healthy basis, Twos are deeply dedicated to people, unselfish, and compassionate. People love to be around you because, as a Two, you highlight the best of them. It’s a religious experience, as Enrique Iglesias said. You love truly; you radiate love and forgiveness. Nothing is more graceful than seeing you just be yourself because it’s uncommon to experience that kind of warmth. You are an unconditional love source since you are no longer at war with yourself. Twos are unconditional to others; there is no broken mirror now, no more sharp tips in your reflection. There are no threats. Isn’t it interesting that your unhealthy version just shows you that the more you resist to love yourself, the less you are able to feel and receive love? Twos have the key; you can use it to close the door or to open it.
The Unhealthy Two
Well, I love this part because you always discover that pain and unhealthiness are just indicators of the need for a better path. So, my advice is short but challenging; I know you can take it. When you notice you are worried about not doing enough for other people, and that makes you feel awful, like a stone in the chest…do the opposite! Do nothing. Sit down to breathe and think. Do people need you to struggle for them to be happy? Are there other ways to show love or help other people that make you feel less worried? You can take the view that love and generosity can be your best allies; they can show you how to give people a higher self, and yes, they deserve it. Yet you deserve it more.
Tips to Help You Grow:
Well, I love this part. Because you always discover that pain and unhealthiness just are truly indicators of a better path. So my advice is few but hard. I know you can deal with it.
When you notice you are worried about not doing enough for other people, and that makes you feel awful, like a stone in the chest… do the opposite! Do nothing. Sit down and breathe, think. Do people need you to struggle for them to be happy? Are there other ways to show love or help other people that make you feel less worried? You can see it like, love and generosity could be your best allies, they could show you how to give people a higher self, they deserve it yes. You deserve it more.
You have already gotten the point: love is a fundamental axis of our lives. However, the exercise of love is even more important. The manner of executing it is the hardest and most wonderful art that ever existed. There is a phrase that says something like, “When you move away from a flower, do so with the same delicacy with which you approached to smell it.”
Try to think about other people’s ways of love. Love is a construction between parts involved. Don’t try to impose your way; let people have the chance to show how they love. Try to see and decide if it’s worthy for you, which are the things you love, and which you don’t. Do you inspire yourself with the same love and service as others? How could you honor yourself?
Your Main Challenges: How to address them?
POSSESSIVENESS
Let relationships breathe and trust that love does not need to justify itself. Remember that freedom takes care of real love.
INSECURITY
Talk. Let other people take care of you. Giving is as important as receiving. Learn to ask for help and compassion.
SOLITUDE
Show unconditional love to yourself; give yourself the attention you need. Remember, we can’t share what we don’t have.
How To Be The Best Version Of The yourself?
How Can I Love From My Soul Rather Than From My Ego?
In some way, every type achieves this. You are not broken, complicated, or a failure. Every human being is on the path of learning how to love from the soul instead of the ego and that’s why the enneagram and other tools are useful. First of all, it’s necessary to identify with surgical precision where your pain is. It’s possible that when you find it you’ll feel ashamed because we often don’t want to accept our needs. It takes so much time to grow and learn and we are tired of fighting with our natural self, so finding out we still have a backlog can be hard. However, let’s recondition ourselves. It sounds easier than it really is, but your first approach to this reconditioning would be to conceptually fill the roles of your own mother and father by raising yourself again, but this time filling yourself with the love you feel you lacked. Your parents did what they could. Now this path of healing is your responsibility. As an adult, you can learn to forgive them, or at least understand that they did the best for you with the tools they had, recognizing that you have the ability to make the change and free yourself from the burden of blaming others in the past. Love has nothing to do with control (repeat it: love has nothing to do with control). Control is from the ego. Love is a movement. Forgive yourself and embody your own mission. Look after yourself and be unconditional, kind, and affectionate.
I Feel I Live In A Tragedy. How Will I Be Loved If I Don’t Do Anything To Deserve It?
Love is not the return of an investment. The one who loves you will still do it in the darkest hours. There is nothing you can do to receive genuine love but to be yourself. Some people say that love is more like a leap of faith; you will never know what’s ahead or what’s really happening inside other people (if we don’t even see clearly inside ourselves). Even so, the only way to keep walking through the blindness of the future is with love.
Why Don’t People Love Me As I Want Them To?
Spoiler: No matter what you do, you don’t love them as perfectly as they want to be loved either. Still, you know you love them. So….different languages, same feeling.
Is It Possible To Reach A State of Unconditional Love?
Of course it is. Tell me how it is when you reach it. Although I may joke, unconditional love does exist. However, I still haven’t achieved that state yet. I am on the same path as you, healing; every day I keep drawing thorns from the depth of my heart as the song says. Although the state of unconditional love requires a lot of hard work interiorly, I know that it exists and is worth the effort. I can affirm it with my own existence, but it’s like a math problem: sometimes you get to the result and don’t know how! Let’s discover the procedure, let’s explore ourselves. Sometimes a state of unconditional love is like a sparkle; take care of the ember as if your life depends on it (and it does) and lightly blow the fire, being picky of what you are feeding it with. You are your fire guardian.
Compatibility with Other Types
Find out how is your relationship with others Enneagram Types:
