Enneagram Type 5 in A Relationship with Type 7
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
Since Enneagram Fives and Sevens are both thinking types, they can bring a lot of new ideas to their relationship. Most of the time, their approach to life is complementary and reciprocal: each of them brings something to the relationship that the other lacks.
On one hand, Sevens bring a festive spirit and an outstanding determination: they are always ready to do almost anything they are asked to. From buying a plane ticket to traveling the world, and from moving furniture across the room to moving to a different state. Although Sevens are independent people, they also like having a few people around to join them and celebrate life.
Don’t forget that Sevens are generous, extravagant, optimistic and sociable. They are often the life of the party.
On the other hand, Fives can bring depth, clarity, observation, independence, self-sufficiency, and often a wonderful and whimsical sense of humor. They don’t feel the need to say they have a quick mind and great ideas as they know everybody notices it. Unlike Sevens, Fives tend to be wiser and more careful with money and other resources. They don’t usually spend away.
They also tend to be private and quiet around strangers, although they can be quite funny when in a safe space. In short, in this couple both parties are kind of opposites with different attitudes on how to enjoy life and themselves. While Fives may say: “Life is short: don’t expect too much.” Sevens will say: “Life is short: do it all.” Both attitudes are true and can useful to balance the other out.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
The main trouble spot between these twos has to do with their life goals and expectations. On one hand, Fives usually keep their demands and life expectations down, particularly when they are going through stressful situations. They tend to have a sarcastic point of view and to be rather unprepared to meet world demands. When under pressure, Fives tend to isolate and withdraw from their partner and everybody else.
They become more solitary, individualistic, detached and difficult to stay around. This way of acting can be very difficult for Sevens since quick action and decision making is the norm for them. On the other hand, as pressure increases, Sevens can get more active, go to different places, participate in more activities, talk about their relationship problems, and possibly turn to substance abuse in order to deal with their anxiety and sadness. Fives may consider Sevens as immature and superficial, and as a consequence, they may distance themselves from their apparently out of control partner. They also may feel embarrassed by Sevens effusive performances while Sevens may think Fives are cold and apathic.
Conflicts may arise: Sevens will get more and more demanding while Fives will get more and more uncooperative. On one hand, Sevens may act out in order to get Five’s love and attention, but they may go too far causing Five’s final withdrawal. Their mutual lack of trust and difficulty in finding a possible way out of their problems will probably make things worse as both types will take extreme and opposite positions.