Enneagram Type 4 in A Relationship with Type 6

Enneagram Type 4 The Individualist

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?

These two Enneagram types have deep and sincere feelings for each other as they are both highly emotional and often feel insecure around people. They also tend to have strong feelings and to be a bit hot-headed as they like to act on things straight away, mostly driven by their intuition. When they are in a romantic relationship, both Fours and Sixes may feel they are soul mates connected by their deep feelings and a touch of distrust. In their world of mistrust, they think of their partner as a real ally, someone who offers them support and reassurance. 

All of these traits make them have an unusual degree of empathy and tolerance towards each other. When healthy, they tend to support and balance each other out, usually acting as a reliable and safe space where worries and complaints can be safely vented. 

On one hand, Fours bring emotions, sensuality, and the ability to express openly their feelings, which is something that Sixes often lack. Also, they give Sixes the sense that they are needed, which helps Sixes gain confidence to cope with a wide range of situations. 


On the other hand, Sixes bring hard work, perseverance, tenancy and loyalty to the relationship. They can also be warm and unpredictably playful, which provides Fours with a platform to develop their creativity as well as the support they need to work through their emotional issues. 

In short, this couple is usually steady, balanced and bold. They also have the ability to fill in each other’ needs both in their own personal growth and in more practical matters.

Potential Conflicts and Disagreements

As mentioned before, both these Enneagram types have issues with mistrust and abandonment. In the lower levels, they can be emotionally reactive, pessimistic, and they can get easily overwhelmed. Lack of communication can also a possible response and it’s likely that they will test each other in different ways in an attempt to evaluate their partner’s loyalty. They will also avoid showing affection and paying attention to their partner in an attempt to protect themselves from getting hurt. Doing so will make their own prophecy come true: their fears and reactions will be the main reason behind the outcome they are consciously trying to avoid. 

If both types can become codependent, their reliance on each other can put a stop to their personal growth: Fours will no longer be practical people while Sixes may stop seeking personal growth. 

Another potential trouble for this couple has do to with tolerating changes. On one hand, Fours are usually into self-exploration and self-development, and therefore are adventurous when it comes to new experiences and life changing events. While Sixes tend to be more conservative and resistant to change, sometimes avoiding personal introspection. This can be a potential conflict between these two types as Sixes may feel that Fours are holding them back and repressing their creativity and self-growth.

La queja que los Cuatro suelen tener sobre los Seis es que no son compañeros románticos y de espíritu libre, mientras que los 6 pueden quejarse de que los 4 no son estables emocionalmente, lo que los convierte en personas poco fiables.

Como ambos tipos son reactivos durante los desacuerdos, los conflictos pueden intensificarse con rapidez, y los malentendidos podrían dar lugar a proyecciones y reacciones exageradas.

Fours usually complain that Sixes are not free-spirited and romantic partners, whereas Sixes may think that Fours are not emotionally stable enough, which makes them unreliable and untrustworthy. As both types are reactive during disagreements, conflicts can escalate quickly: misunderstandings can lead to projections and massive over-reactions on both sides.

Get to know your Enneagram Compatibility with Other Enneagram Types