Enneagram Type 4 in Relationship with Type 4
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
In all double-type relationships, both types bring the same traits to the relationship, which is why the health level of each party can be particularly important. In double Four couples, both parties tend to be emotionally open and sensitive. They are also empathetic and attentive to their partner’s needs. Both types on a double-type relationships are usually so synced to their own feelings that there is a great deal of understanding and respect for their individuality and their emotional needs.
Fours often feel misunderstood, but if they look for a mirror image of themselves, they will definitely find it in this relationship, which means there will be a special bond between them. Then, they will feel that their relationship is a truly safe space where they are in tune with their partner as they both feel comfortable, deeply understood, and they also enjoy each other’s company and don’t feel alone.
They also have the ability to find amusement on each other and to laugh at themselves since they are not put off by deep psychological and personal issues. Both of them find it easy to talk to each other about their most private and intimate issues as they arise. Besides, Double Fours form a truly romantic and idealistic couple and their intimacy has the potential to grow into a great love history.
Emotional ups and downs, their hopes and disappointments, the euphoria and despair can make this couple focus mostly on themselves than on their practical lives, child raising, or their careers. Their huge frankness, support, deep friendship and the admiration they have for each other would probably be the emblem of this love relationship.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
The main potential problem with a double-type couple is the emotional instability of the relationship. If they are not healthy, each of them can become self-absorbed and pushy, especially when there is something they feel they are not getting from the relationship.
As they are both deeply emotional people, they may want to be the focus of attention when it comes to their emotional issues. Both look for special attention and a privileged treatment. The problem may arise if they resent the other for demanding exactly the same for themselves. Both Fours dream of an ideal significant other and when their expectations are not met, they may feel anger or even depressed. When that happens, they can get involved in a toxic circle of blaming and demanding. They can get into “Who’s more hurt?” contests or any form of negative competition since they are both secretly looking for a rescuer.
Due to their potential sensitivity, Fours generally isolate themselves and withhold their attention and affection whenever they are involved in a conflict with someone. Another potential issue may be Fours’ lack of trust not only when it comes to family and friends, but also their intimate partner. As a result of this, they may start testing their partners which can drive them apart.
Their partner’s insecurities, sensitiveness and demands really annoy Fours, and may lead them into intolerance, making both of them walk on eggshells to keep the relationship going.
Double Four couples can get moody and reserved, and passive-aggressive and disdainful, ending in an aggressive rejection towards the other. Rejection can alternate from both parties, and arguments can get out of control with both of them saying hurtful things. This attitude make reconciliation really difficult, if not impossible as once certain things are said, they can never be taken back. In that case, the relationship may never recover.