Enneagram type 1 in A relationship with type 9
How Does Each Enneagram Type Enhance the Relationship?
Enneagram type 1s (Reformers) and Enneagram type 9s (Peacemakers) understand each other from within and can see many of their own traits in their partner, which can be a good or a bad thing. As for the positive side of this connection, each Enneagram type brings a certain idealism and a desire to change the world and make it a better place, as they are both hardworking types that are willing to sacrifice themselves and put their personal needs aside for the sake of others.
Ones contribute with reasoning and clarity and their ability to articulate different ideals into one. They are always looking for improvement, they are reasonable, fair, consistent and have high ethical and moral standards. Also, Ones feel that they have a mission in life, and they are able to inspire Nines to become aware of their own purpose and to follow it. While Nines are easy to get along with, steady, and simple. As they are uncritical and undemanding, they have the quality to nurture and support people around them without much pressure.
They prefer harmony and smooth relations over the pleasure of being right or having the last word in an argument. This mix has what it takes to be an altruistic pair: a romantic match that balances idealism and humanity. As a romantic couple, they feel pleased by having company over and are always generous and friendly. However, they also value their time together as a couple. They both enjoy nature and animals, as well as children and family.
Possible Conflicts and Differences of Opinion:
Although this relationship is generally smooth and calm, the main problematic area for them has to do with their ways of coping with problems and stress. On one hand, Ones get easily frustrated with themselves and others when they feel that things are not going as they should. They get easily angry and unsatisfied with everything and everyone. They might become suddenly obsessed with placing blame and finding faults, flaws and also possible future solutions. On the other side, when conflicts arise, Nines might shut themselves down and escape.
They can be very elusive and less effective at dealing with problems and taking responsibility. They are also incapable of speaking about their emotions. As the situation gets worse, they try to pretend that nothing happened and deny or resist the problems between them. It can be difficult for Nines to be up to the circumstances and take the level of responsibility that Ones are looking for in the relationship. This might lead to Ones pushing Nines to respond in certain desired ways and Nines retreating into passive-aggressive behaviors.
In short, it’s difficult for Ones to respect Nines, as they will probably judge them for being childish and irresponsible while it’s also difficult for Nines to be nice to Ones when they feel constantly judged and pushed to act in ways they simply cannot. When this happens, Ones will eventually become more egoistic and intolerant while Nines will get more and more uncommunicative, apathetic and unresponsive. Many people will possibly find it difficult to be around this couple because of the negative aura around them and suppressed rage coming from both. This couple gets stuck in their anger, and can’t move past it.