You Are Most Like, Type 4:
The Inward explorer. The one who sees more in the inner world than the outer world. As a Type 4 you are fascinated by the world but don’t truly understand it, which makes you feel that you’re not from here. Who are you and what are you doing here? Those are recurrent questions you ask yourself and the world (around you).
To be authentic
Of having no identity
Enneagram 4: Overview
If every type had its own song, number 4’s would be: “I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here”. This song somehow represents the way you feel without the excessive drama or the sadness of its melody. It’s amazing how big your personal museum is. You spend so much time there, exploring, taking notes, trying to decipher your true original self. You watch as everything you think comes to life and become part of your script. You have tons of potential and the energy of a volcano, but you are limited to using it only in your imagination. But you know that nobody would understand why and how you think anyway. Hey, weirdo, do your thing! Show your skills to the world.
You’re constantly in a trance of feelings, surfing your moods and emotions. They look alike, it’s easy to perceive who you are upon evoking your feelings. You are very sensitive and humane, which can be intense. That’s a high quality of yours and it teaches you a lot about life, which leads you to think there’s no need to go out and try for yourself. Withdrawing from the world feels safer, you can watch and gaze from your self space and interpret reality with the filter of your own melancholy. You project stories, romances and events as if they were a Bat-signal. Suddenly, you can’t go out. You need to stay inside to keep learning and imaginating, living the virtual life which you feel identified with. Your feelings are your motivation.
How do you think?
You are only worth it if you are faithful to yourself. But, who are you? You are someone that likes to fantasize and imagine stories. Someone who lives in a place where things are well under control and reactions are well-managed. What happens if you go out and do something unexpected, how would you deal with it? Will you be consistent? Will you repeat yourself or be someone else? What happens if you discover new reactions, new feelings, new ways that wash you away from the shore? That’s scary and an unnecessary risk so you withdraw to your inner self. You have an amazing and singular ability to connect to your feelings, and that power is hard to manage. I understand you, but sometimes because you identify with your feelings you get too attached to them. You are way more than you feel. Taking your feelings and displaying them into something creative could be a great chance to channel them and to open the way to your core.
You enjoy deep conversations
You’re overly obsessed with negativity.
COMPARED WITH OTHERS
Introverted, always feeling like you’re different from others
How do you love?
Type 4s are hopeless romantics. You should definitely consider the option to sell your mental scripts to some soap opera channel. You are losing money if you don’t. This sounds funny but it’s also how you treasure yourself very very deeply, where storms break out under the sun. When you finally get into your love story, you are intense. You deploy a wide arsenal of seductive and powerful energy. You want to take reality as the higher expression of a virtual fantasy. Carrying that romantic empowerment you could step into possessiveness and jealousy.
The fear of losing that someone you finally found and that cares about you, drives you a little euphoric and dependent. Sometimes you put onto your loving partner the ideal of love you’ve created for yourself. Deep inside what you want is a savior. Someone who offers you their shoulders, where you can pour out all your vulnerability. Someone to be a refuge for hostility.
Enneagram 4 Wing 5:
The Bohemian Rhapsody of the Four with a Five wing is admirable. The common intensity of the Four becomes suspicion. You are less sociable and outgoing than the 4s with a 3 wing but more observer. Fives usually seek safety and this analytical take can be a great method to achieve that.
Enneagram 4 Wing 3:
Interesting combination! Just because there is wisdom beyond and within you, my dear four, it doesn’t mean you can start a revolution from your bed. It’s ok to be introspective but life has it’s heavy rhythm and you need to dance to the beat (which is a friendly way of saying: surviving) because the Three wing changes your introverted steps into a dynamic style.
The Average Four
You act like a self guardian, like a protector of your innocence and emotions. You feel everything intensely, always cultivating something inside of you, unsure if anyone out there will be truly able to support and understand you properly. It’s better to stand by yourself and not ask for any help or compassion because you believe no one could help you. You are different. Your inner trips are special, chaotic and surreal.
You naturally manifest your inner world into artistic creations, and try to smooth your environment with aesthetic details because you’re hypersensitive and everything wakes up your feelings. So you interiorize those feelings and tend to take things personally.
The Healthy Four
Accepting your vulnerabilities is a gift. You are good with that, you recognize your darker side. It’s ok, that is what makes you human, right? Everyone has the right to be themselves. You are done with fiction, it has come to an end. You are self-aware, you have the power to contemplate your thoughts and feelings, to embrace them but also to let them go when necessary. You know that your true self is beyond that. Intact. Safe. Healed.
Wise people tend to know that no matter how well they know fears, and how much compassion and love they have, in the end we are who we are: humans. We need to encounter other people, contradict ourselves, get our hopes up and even experience the unexpected. Now you are ok with that because you are profoundly connected not only to the personal side but with the universal, too. In other words, you are like a lizard that can regenerate itself.
The Unhealthy Four
Withdrawing has a lot of shapes. More than going from, is a matter of going to. Where do you expect to go when you escape from reality? Delusion and disappointment can bury you into a self destructive state. You don’t trust yourself, you’re full of doubts. So you end up getting eaten up by a really painful and cyclic self-hatred. Deconstructing the fiction you live in, could be too hard. Yes, you do have the powerful ability to connect to your feelings, but used in the wrong way this ability could be a really sharp tool.
You feel so much envy for people that are outstanding, look great and can achieve everything they want. It all seems so easy for everybody else, but why not for you? Why do you feel that you’re so far from everything and everyone? You didn’t do anything. You just want people to understand how intense your feelings are, how much you care about things. You want everyone to see your potential.
Tips to Help You Grow:
Create a safe circle of people you really trust. It’s ok to put yourself first sometimes but it’s healthy to learn how to communicate and let your vulnerabilities be. Have you tried doing art? If not, give it a try! Play with its symbolism. Art opens a gate where you can play with different symbols, or deeper meanings encrypted within simple things, such as colors, words, shapes, etc… rather than playing on a conscious level where you can’t see clearly. Your art will teach you a lot since it transforms your inner world into an exterior masterpiece.
Another thing, in the book The Four Agreements (1997), the second one is “Don’t take anything personally” and that could work for you. If you live in your own fantasy, the one where you are feeling melancholic, sad and alone because of a particular tale you hold onto, other people can live their dreams too, and not specifically an American dream. Everything we do is a reflection of our consciousness level.
Your Main Challenges:
How to address them?
Sometimes creating an artwork is the best way to channel that, and helps people identify and be empathetic.
Identify which situations make you do it and try to think of new ways. Trust in your resources and don’t take things personally.
It’s tempting to feel we can solve everything by just starting a revolution from our bed. Better if we let the heart grow its own solution.
How To Be The Best Version Of The yourself?
How to deconstruct fantasy?
To reach your healthiest version, I will have to suggest something you won’t like that much. Shall I? Remember when you start making up a whole fantasy in your mind, it could be about anything. You just know that it feels good, a plethora of feelings and emotions. You feel the intensity and the power of potential possibilities. Wow! Imagination has a close connection with the body and can make you feel things, or sintonize particular states of mind. Learn to define when you do that, which situations activate your imagination instead of actions. Ask yourself why you are doing that, what is the worst thing that could happen? Which are your actual resources facing that situation? The answers might surprise you.
How can I come out of my inner shell?
When you feel confused, try to focus on something objective. Facts that can’t be discussed or aren’t ambiguous. Set one or a few goals (focus on the short term). Getting satisfaction from your own actions, being organized and getting things done will create a safe space to help you stick your head out of the cave.
How can I better channel my feelings?
Express yourself. There are no wrong answers, no unique ways. Choose your path and go for it. Don’t look for approval, just enjoy the ride. Do things you enjoy and learn through pleasant experiences. Be playful, think about your thoughts (no redundancy intended, this is key). This meta-thinking will awaken in you the capacity to hold your emotions and thoughts as if they were raw material for other creations – and they are!
You are walking barefoot on the same ground other people walk in shoes. And we are not comparing just for the sake of comparison – which can be annoying and useless – but in order to recognize your qualities. Deep inside you are scared of your bravery. Your main challenge, dear four, is to tell the world about yourself. Create and share with a loving and peaceful look.
Why do I have to be hypersensible?
Sensitivity is the ability to feel and perceive things with your whole self. This awareness can give you a lot of intel, but can also become an issue for you. As you think that asking for special attention from people around you can be a “weakness”. How could this work for your own good? Why think of it as a weakness when it could be one of your strengths? It could build a bridge to other people’s feelings too. You could spend the whole day intensively talking about your feelings and emotions. But slow down for a moment. Breathe. Ask questions. Describe a particular feeling to someone else, but at the same time ask them how they feel, what they are dealing with, etc…
Step by step, you’ll show yourself to the external world as well. You have to. “I’m pretty busy being myself and it’s not easy either”. Don’t worry. You have an advantage from other types…and no, it’s not that you can raise each of your eyebrows separately. It’s your imagination! Put it to your own service. To create pleasant and functional ways for you to start trusting yourself, joining your feelings but not being defined by them. Be patient, your mind is used to doing the opposite, old habits die hard but we can always choose to compost them.