Enneagram type 2 in A relationship with type 9
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
Both these Enneagram types have many aspects in common: they both care a lot about others and like bringing ease into people’s lives. Enneagram type 2s and Enneagram type 9s are characterized by their optimism and their ability to take their best from every situation. Along with other outstanding traits, Twos and Nines are both warm, kind, easy-going, hospitable, undemanding, and always ready to make new friends and make people around them feel welcomed. On one side, Twos bring an outgoing and engaging energy: due to their social abilities they are easily the first ones to introduce themselves at a party or to go to someone’s aid if they realize their help is needed.
Twos are proud of their family, friends, partners and even their home, and they really feel like sharing what they have with others. This is one of the reasons why they constantly add new energy and people to the relationship mix. Generally speaking, they are more sociable and talkative than Nines and even more curious about other people, their interests and personal tastes.
On the other hand, Nines add steadiness and balance to the relationship, which allows others to express themselves and the relationships to flow with no stress or struggle. Nines excel at calming their partners down and providing a great deal of unquestioned acceptance whenever Twos become insecure or dubious about their relationships.
Both types are ready to provide comfort and support; and to invite people into their homes. Much of their best communication is non-verbal, deriving from each other’s presence.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
Both Twos and Nines tend to give away their power and to go along with other people’s agendas. Although this makes their lives easier, eventually one of the parties will have to take charge and make important decisions. However, doing so can go against their principles. Negotiating power and decision making in the relationship can make them feel stressed and trigger the feeling that they are being forced into a particular role to keep things going. Another problem that may arise has to do with talking about feelings and emotions in an open way since none of them finds it easy to talk about their happiness or discontent.
On one hand, Twos can take over and become too controlling, bossing Nines around and speaking with a surprising harshness to them. On the other, Nines find it difficult to speak up for themselves and speak their truth. However, when Nines raise their voice, Twos may feel offended and take it as lack of gratitude. Twos find it difficult to accept criticism and when Nines find the courage to speak up, they may overreact and answer aggressively. In order to avoid this situation, Nines tend to choose silence and to become passive-aggressive as a way of dealing with their inner anger, while Twos feel rejected, unappreciated and unloved. Both of them will try to keep everything on the surface, despite noticing their relationship decay.
They will try to stay as distant from each other as possible and reduce physical contact. This couple that at the beginning looked so modest and supportive end up involved in a circle of resentment and anger. Nobody feels like talking about the issues around them, nobody takes responsibility for the deterioration of the relationship, and the love relationship will eventually fall apart.