Enneagram type 1 in relationship with type 2
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship?
Enneagram type 1s (Reformers) and Enneagram type 2s (Helpers) are a complementary match as both of them offer each other a taste of their own traits. Both are achievers that are drawn to jobs or roles that allow them to help others. They generally work as teachers, ministers or health care volunteers, who work long hours, put up with a lot of pressure and have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. These types of couples are often made of professionals who aren’t home for most of the day, sometimes even a few days. Their usually focus mostly on their occupation, even more so than the relationship itself.
This Enneagram compatibility often involve mature and independent people that are able to fulfill their emotional needs by bonding with a variety of people and connections, including their professional ones. They usually provide high ideals, strong ethical standards, and a strong desire to serve others. Since the relationship is built on the basis of these values (both are sort of on the same path) it’s easier for them to keep a strong relationship that’s in constant touch with solid values and practical perspectives. Enneagram type Twos provides the care and the feelings that type Ones don’t easily allow themselves to have. Twos are also more welcoming than Ones and can warm up even the most reserved kinds.
They bring not only warmth to the table, but are also aware of suffering and work hard and generously to help people in need: they definitely help reformers soften up and relax. Ones, on the other hand, bring integrity, consciousness, commitment, and consistency since they are steady, reliable, and truthful. Ones commit strongly, which makes Twos feel calm and secure.
Potential Conflicts and Disagreements
Now… what are the potential issues between them? Although Ones and Twos are constantly concerned about other people’s needs, they are not always aware of their very own needs nor are they able to easily express them. Ones (Reformers) take life seriously and their responsibilities always come before leisure. Twos (Helpers) feel they must take care of everyone else’s needs before they take care of their own. For them, life is about helping others and being useful, which is the only way they feel accepted. This means that, both Ones and Twos, find it difficult to talk about what and how they feel about the relationship and what they actually want. In this kind of relationship, there are often many unsaid feelings or desires: each type find it difficult to admit that they are not getting what they want or are not feeling happy and fulfilled.
For both of them, getting what they want feels selfish and forbidden. On one hand, Ones may feel disappointed by their partner’s tendency to give so much to others and not regulating time and attention. For Ones, their romantic partner is always everywhere but home or their job’s where they should be fulfilling their primary responsibilities. On the other hand, Twos can see Ones as too impersonal and unconcerned with others. When this happens, they might feel disappointed on Ones. They believe their partner loves humanity but have problems committing to real people. All of these differences can lead both sides to get judgmental and critical of each other while the relationship drifts apart.